Purple Cows
by Redflowercactus
Summary: "Spock teaches a lesson about the time-space continuum involving ice-cream.  Someone  tries to prove him wrong. Kirk is just hungry." Gen fic focused on OC's interactions with crew members. Potentially AU written as a gift for my beta. Completed one-shot.


Purple Cows

Disclaimer: I don't profit from this story! The characters of Star Trek belong solely to Paramount. All original characters are mine though.

Author's Note: This story was written for my beta, so any typographical errors are my fault. Also, I haven't decided if my original character Shani fits in with my personal canon yet. Therefore, this story might be considered an AU. Also, bad science warning- I have a feeling that I've interpreted the space-time continuum incorrectly. I finished typing this in August, but didn't finish editing until December.

Prompt: "Spock teaches a lesson about the time-space continuum involving ice-cream. [Someone] tries to prove him wrong. Kirk is just hungry." This prompt is derived from the theory that the time-space continuum is in the shape of two cones that extend forever in two opposite directions and meet at their "points" (the bottom part of an ice-cream cone).

* * *

"Freedo-o-om!" yelled a boy, at the top of his lungs. He wore an antiquated plaster cast on his right arm and whizzed past Ensign Chekhov so quickly that the ensign's curly hair bounced. Chekhov sighed wistfully.

"The kid has potential- in a few years, he could complete in the Interspecies Olympic Games", he thought to himself. He was serious, too. With practice, Shani could be a great runner. For one thing, Shani's balance wasn't at all affected by the heavy cast he wore. And the energetic child easily eluded the haggard nurse who was pursuing him.

"Come back here, mister! You broke an arm- do you want to break a leg, too?" Nurse Chapel huffed loudly.

"Nurse Chapel, don't you know? Breaking a leg is good luck!" the boy bragged impishly. Grinning, he propelled himself into different corridor.

"Ha ha ha, very funny, mister. You're a passenger on a starship! Not an actor on a stage!" Nearly wheezing, Nurse Chapel realized that she couldn't catch up. Giving up, she reached for her communicator. As she did, the boy ran back down the corridor one last time with his arms fully extended while making "airplane" noises. He looped around the nurse and the ensign once more before zooming off for good. Chapel then turned and shot a tight smile towards Chekhov, who had been trying to hold back a snicker, before flipping her communicator open.

"Chapel to Sickbay. Shani refuses return to Sickbay... but I don't want him running around with a broken arm. Can we send Cupcake to get him?", she said, only half-jokingly.

"Let him alone, Chapel. I think getting Security to put him in the brig would be a bit extreme. Spock'll give him hell for it later", joked Dr. McCoy. "'Sides, I was getting a little tired of having him jumping around Sickbay, pestering me about my medical supplies."

Not that McCoy had anything to worry about. Shani wasn't a irresponsible brat. With parents like his, how could he be? If he was, he wouldn't be let near a starship, much less on one. McCoy was confident that any child (and maybe even future children) of Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura would be brought up to be the best they could possibly be. He had bet his credits on it. And you couldn't blame Shani for running about- he was your typical hyperactive child. Like most children his age, he had an insatiable curiosity.

McCoy took pride in his abilities as a doctor and as far as he knew, there was no remedy for inquisitiveness. Tired of sitting around, Shani had followed McCoy around Sickbay incessantly, peering at laser scalpels, giggling at various anatomical diagrams and pelting the doctor with questions. McCoy had came quite close to strapping the child down to the nearest biobed but, unfortunately for him and quite fortunately for Shani, all of the beds were occupied by crew members injured in the latest attack on the Enterprise. Though there were no casualties, the blast from the Orion pirates they had encountered had rocked the entire ship hard enough to wound a number of people. McCoy thanked his lucky stars that Engineer Gaila and Lt. Uhura were able to get the Enterprise out of that mess.

During the attack, Shani, who had been sneaking around while exploring the Enterprise, had taken a hard fall down a deserted stairwell and broken his arm. The poor kid had somehow managed to walk himself to Sickbay, his usually brown face pale with shock. Sickbay had been crowded and chaotic, forcing Shani to breach normal human etiquette and poke the doctor multiple times with his left index finger to get his attention. And they weren't tentative pokes either- they were actually rather painful. Shani had really underestimated his own Vulcan strength. Spinning around confront the pesky hand and it's owner, McCoy had nearly snarled. Didn't his provoker know he was attending to a patient? He halted all facial contortions when he saw that it was Shani. McCoy didn't need a medical scanner to see what the problem was, but as usual, Shani felt he needed to explain.

"I believe my right arm is broken, Dr. McCoy," Shani said quietly. The kid made a valiant effort to be stoic, but his shining eyes and bottom lip gave him away.

Goddamn Vulcans with their unemotional façades, McCoy recalled thinking. He had supposed, rather grudgingly, that it was a good thing Shani wasn't bawling like an infant. In addition, the boy had a higher pain tolerance than a fully Human child had. But Shani was still more Human than Vulcan and in McCoy's professional opinion, it wasn't healthy for a mostly Human hybrid to suppress his emotions. Not to mention the doctor's own doubts about Spock's parenting skills.

Even though McCoy admitted that it was he who allowed Uhura and Spock to stop using birth control, he questioned the sagacity of deciding to have a child in the middle of a five-year mission. Spock and Uhura were two of the brightest individuals he had ever had the good grace of meeting and McCoy knew this couldn't have been an impulsive, irrational idea. Then again, who was he to judge? He wasn't perfect either- he had had a daughter with a woman who would later divorce him. Well, in any case, he was glad that the two new parents had understood that they could not raise Shani on the Enterprise. A ship ain't the kind of place to raise your kids. At least, not in this time and era.

As he steered Shani towards the bone-knitting laser, McCoy realized with some acrimony that he didn't have any right to rip into the Commander for being a less-than-ideal father. During the doctor's contemplations, Shani had been eying the machine apprehensively and turned to McCoy.

"I don't want you to use the 'knitter on me", he protested. One of McCoy's eyebrows surged skywards. "I wanna be like the guys in the old movies, I want to have a plaster cast! Casts are special- you can get people to sign them and everything!" It was obvious that McCoy's stance on the subject had not changed. Shani decided it was time to use his "powers of persuasion", as his Mama called it. It worked 94.563% of the time. And Shani would know- he had calculated it.

Putting on his most serious expression, Shani said, "It also allows me to have tangible evidence of my injury. My friends wouldn't believe me if I only TOLD them what happened, Dr. McCoy."

McCoy frowned. "Shani, your arm will heal much faster if you use the bone-knitter. And I could just take a photograph if you really wanted to-" Shani quickly turned away, slightly miffed. "It wouldn't be the same", he griped under his breath. After a beat, Shani turned back. "Fine. I'll do it", he grumped, stomping his small feet towards the knitter. The ground quaked a little bit from his steps. McCoy rolled his eyes. Kids these days, he thought.

Much to Shani's delight and McCoy's irritation, the 'knitter wasn't working. It would take an inordinate amount of time to fix it and McCoy wanted to fix Shani's broken arm as soon as possible. Shani got his wish: a cast to accompany a story of his own bravery, one that would certainly impress his friends. Now it was McCoy's turn to be miffed- creating a cast was a lot more tedious than using a knitter. But he didn't stay grouchy for long- after receiving the cast, Shani smiled radiantly and gleefully bounced around Sickbay asking for signatures. Even McCoy had to admit that it was cute. But once he had gotten as many signatures as possible (even one from Keenser, who had stopped by to visit Chief Engineer Scott), Shani began pestering McCoy. After McCoy ordered the boy to stay still and remain in Sickbay, Shani grew antsy and bored. He was unused to doing things with his less dominant hand. He couldn't finish his homework, play games on his PADD and he wasn't allowed to send subspace messages to his friends back home.

Fortunately, Shani was able to engage Ensign Dang, the only other chess player in Sickbay, in a game of 3D chess. The child became bored after he won most of the games with relative ease. Granted, Ensign Dang wasn't terrible, but he was better at 2D chess and getting beaten by a kid (admittedly a Vulcan-Human one) who was three times younger than him didn't exactly boost self-confidence. After two hours, they both decided it was time to end the match. They bumped fists instead of shaking hands.

Afterwards, Ensign Dang put away the board and pieces and Shani stowed them back in their original place. The kid then fidgeted for a bit and checked the shift schedule. For some inexplicable reason, Captain Kirk was already off-duty even though alpha shift didn't officially end for fifteen more minutes. Shani shrugged outwardly. There was probably some underlying, rational reason behind it. He was curious though. Where was Uncle Jim? He asked the computer.

"Captain Kirk is in the galley", the computer stated as a window with a map popped up. Not that Shani needed one- he often snuck over to the galley for a quick midnight snack. It was bizarre that Uncle had left the bridge early to go to the galley, of all places. Mysterious, even. And Shani never could resist a good mystery. He loved it when his sa-mehk read a good Sherlock Holmes or Poirot or Miss Marple mystery to him. Shani quickly hollered, "Bye, everyone!" and bounded out of Sickbay.

The occupants of Sickbay bid him farewell in a more subdued fashion. The resounding chorus of goodbyes attracted Nurse Chapel's attention. She looked up sharply from the PADD that she had been reading. Even though Shani's right arm was OK now, he wasn't clear to leave Sickbay. Starfleet required that minors in Sickbay be picked up by a parent or guardian. She groaned at the thought of tracking Shani down- McCoy certainly wasn't going to. Chapel dropped her PADD and grabbed her comm as she rushed out the sliding doors of Sickbay.

Having successfully escaped from Sickbay, Shani stealthily headed towards the galley. On his way, he caught Kirk sneaking out with two bowls piled high with...something. Shani couldn't tell what because Kirk had promptly hid them behind his back at Shani's arrival.

"Hi, Shani. What brings you to this corner of the ship?" Kirk smiled, attempting to look innocent. It didn't work and Shani knew well enough to ignore the question.

"Hi, Uncle Jim." Momentarily confused, Shani looked around for any corners he had missed. "Uncle, this isn't a corner, it's a corridor. Furthermore, what are you hiding behind your back?

Kirk chuckled. "Shani, I know there aren't any corners. It's just a saying."

"Uncle, don't avoid the question!"

Kirk squirmed for a second before deciding to spill. "OK, OK, I heard that you were injured and confined to Sickbay. So I thought I'd leave my shift early and introduce you to an age-old, Kirk-ian tradition."

"Really? What's the tradition?" Shani asked excitedly as they both walked back to the galley. Kirk grinned and whipped out the bowls he had held behind his back. "In my family, when you get sick, you're allowed to eat a large helping of ice cream. You know, as long as it's safe to do so. I wanted to give you Purple Cow, but-",

"PurpleCows?What'sapurplecow?Uncle,?Especiallyarareone?" Shani blabbered almost incoherently with wide eyes. Then, in a slower than normal voice, Shani narrowed his eyes and said accusingly, "Are you playing a prank on me?"

Shani's outburst sent the usually dignified Captain into a giggle-fit. It didn't last for long though and Kirk stopped laughing as he scrambled to maintain a grip on the ice cream. Holding the bowls aloft and still gasping for breath, he sat down on a chair in the galley and set the ice cream down on a nearby table. He motioned for Shani to take a seat as well.

"No, Shani, that wasn't a prank. I got Purple Cow ice cream for myself and not for you because you're not allowed to have chocolate. Purple Cow ice cream is a flavor made up of black raspberry ice cream, chocolate chips and white chocolate chips. Purple Cows are not actual creatures."

He saw Shani open his mouth to protest. "Yes, I know calling it Purple Cow is silly or, if you prefer, 'illogical'' since it isn't made of purple cow or purple cow milk. But that's beside the point. It's name is supposed to be humorous and evoke frivolity. And you'd be surprised to know that meat flavored ice cream exists. You've never heard of lobster ice cream?"

Shani pretended to gag. "So if you got Purple Cow, what did you get for me? And why are we in the galley in the first place? Wouldn't it be faster to get the replicator to produce some?"

Kirk made a face. "If you want to taste the good stuff, you go to the chef here in the galley. Besides, the food synthesizers don't offer your favorite flavor, Raspberry. Here you go, Shani,"

Kirk slid the bowl containing raspberry ice cream across the table to Shani. The boy fumbled to eat with his left hand, but he managed to finish his bowl. Kirk finished his a short time after.

"That was delicious!" proclaimed Shani after he let out a burp. "Could I get some more for me and my parents?"

"Sure thing", said the Captain as he got up to grab more bowls. Trailing from behind, Shani tugged at his Uncle's sleeve.

"Can was get cones this time?"

Kirk smiled at him. "Of course. Sugar cones or cup cones?"

"Sugar cones, please. Mint chocolate chip for my mama and chocolate for my sa-mehk", Shani said innocently.

Kirk frowned. "Shani, I can't afford for my first officer to be under the influence of chocolate. Try again."

Shani stuck out his tongue and said nonchalantly, "My sa-mehk needs to loosen up sometimes."

Kirk could not contain his mirth. What a kid! Shani was going to make for a very rebellious teen one day. McCoy had better be prepared to lose his bet. Payday would be fast approaching if Shani kept up this behavior.

"Let's get him Pistachio instead, OK?"

Shani stuck out his tongue. "Fine."

When the pair made their way to the chef, Shani insisted that he give the order. He also demanded that the chef and the Captain sign his cast. Grinning, both quickly complied. Brandishing a black marker, the chef drew a silly caricature of Shani on Shani's cast, causing him to giggle. The Captain followed suit and drew a mini Enterprise. The so-called Enterprise was scribbled right next to the caricature, and it looked more like an angry Gorn was chasing Shani's caricature.

The two retrieved their ice cream and headed for Shani's quarters. Alpha shift had ended long ago, and the pair found Spock and Uhura waiting for them.

"Shani! I was so worried! C'mere and give me a hug", Uhura said.

Shani ran to his mother and gave her a one-armed bear hug.

"I brought you and sa-mehk ice cream!" He grabbed the cones from Kirk and gave his parents the ice cream. Spock eyed his cone cautiously.

"Is there any chocolate in this?"

"Nope!" chirped Shani. As Uhura and Spock finished their ice cream, Uhura remarked, "You know what this reminds me of? That time you taught me about the space-time continuum using ice cream cones."

"Perhaps I could teach Shani about the space-time contiuum the same way", mused Spock.

After Spock and Uhura polished off their ice cream, Spock took both of their cones and proceeded to illustrate the space time continuum to Shani.

"One cone represent the past, while the other represents the future. Imagine that the cones extend to infinity", Spock told Shani as he held one cone right side up and the other upside down. Bringing them together so that the points of the two cones touched, Spock said, "The two cones meet at present. This is a model of a light-like interval of space-time."

Shani had already fallen asleep.

"You call that a bedtime story?" laughed Kirk, who was still in the room after having a conversation with Uhura about subspace frequencies.

Spock looked down at his sleeping son.

"Evidently, it was effective", Spock said with a genuine, wide smile. Kirk was a little concerned. Spock gathered Shani in his arms and pressed a kiss to Shani's forehead a gently before laying him down on his bed and tucking him in. Spock and Uhura exited afterwards, fingers touching in a show of adoration. Kirk blinked and shook his head. That was a surprisingly tender moment. Spock had seemed a little...off. Was it Kirk's imagination, or was Spock...tipsy? Not smashed, but tipsy. He wondered if Shani had swapped the Mint Chocolate and the Pistachio ice cream. What a sneaky kid, Kirk thought, shaking his head as he exited.


End file.
